I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just puked most of my soul out..
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
