I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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