My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
