Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
3 2 1 whiskey
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize