Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
