i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
