Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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