remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
