I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
