We're like a lot better than the average bears
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
