so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
