Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
