Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize