just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
