barbara walters just said penis...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
