sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
