You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
