So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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