apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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