eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
