Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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