I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The uberlube is also flammable
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
