he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
the gays at disneyland are vicious
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
And then my night got REAL pukey
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
