clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
