2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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