I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
...so i touched it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize