I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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