Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
