That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
