I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
