I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
