the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
