i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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