i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
