just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I need to wash the frat house off of me
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
