I think I am morally bankrupt
He felt like a one man threesome
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
