I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
