what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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