Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
