I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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