his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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