the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
