My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
