On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
