Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
