im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
