On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
