hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
