I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
