another moral hangover. fuck.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
