Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize