just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
