The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
