wrigley field is MILF paradise
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
