Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
