Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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