i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
