were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
