I haven't been this sober since birth.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
