Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
