it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
