woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
