Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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