I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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