Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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