I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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