I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
