My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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