You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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