i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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