3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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