Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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