Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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