i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
