you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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