forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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