I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize