You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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