I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
it hurts more in the daytime
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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