Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
